On Miracles

I turn the page to 2015. As we do with clean calendars, I look back at the old one—circled dates gone by, wishes granted or denied.

I am a different person now than I was this day last year. Better? Maybe. I don’t know. Certainly more tired.

But, I know what it means to pray so hard for something that I press my forehead to the carpet and forget fancy words. Sometimes to forget all words altogether and let God read my heart. (Romans 8:26)

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Wait. Again.

Spending any length of time at the hospital is draining. Here’s the thing, though—most of the time, it’s not especially emotional. Moments come, of course, where you feel a swirling dizziness as your life changes before your very eyes. But, most of the time, we tap our fingers and thumb through books we aren’t reading and joke with our nurses and wait.

And it’s the waiting that drains.

It’s the waiting that pulls out the obsessive in me– and I madly scour old college textbooks and online medical journals and Google for information that might predict the future like a crystal ball. Continue reading

Update (from K)

Hi, everyone!

My mommy apologizes for leaving all of you in a state of suspense regarding my status. She has been pretty busy taking me to appointments/ therapy, hanging out with A, learning how to be a combination nurse/ respiratory therapist, teaching a Bible study, google searching medical journals, managing my home health nurses, thinking seriously about cleaning our house, learning how to be dairy-free (more on this later) and sitting down every once in a while to watch 24 with Daddy. (Really, she reads while Daddy watches, but whatever. They’re both happy.) Anyways, I guess we’ll cut her (some) slack for not blogging lately.

So, I’ve been making lots of progress lately! Continue reading

Patience

This isn’t how the story is supposed to go. We closed a chapter, remember? The characters aren’t supposed to walk back through chapter 1 when they are acting chapter 2.

But, K is back in the hospital.

On Tuesday, they stuck leads back on her chest and plugged her in to the monitors. They stuck an IV in the same spot above her left ear where she used to have her PICC line. They stuck her with needles and swabbed her nose.

We walked into the same hallways that we walked out of six weeks ago. Continue reading

Remember

Stories begin and stories end. After the resolving of a single conflict, fairytales leave the reader with the ever-elusive “happily ever after.” But what the fairytales won’t tell you is that “happily ever after” is its own sort of beginning.

For two months, we lived quite a story. Every day was packed full of anxieties and hopes, challenges and celebrations. Every day brought us closer to our end: home. Continue reading

Out of the Wilderness

In Shakespeare, the characters are often cast out of civilization into some type of wilderness. In the wilderness, they work out a problem; in the end, they emerge changed in some way.

In Scripture, it is much the same. Moses with the burning bush. Israel in the wilderness for 40 years. Jonah and the whale. Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days.

In life, it is much the same. A single moment hits us in the gut with the force of a hurricane and we are flung into the wilderness. When the world stops spinning and we find ourselves there among the brush, we wander in search of some unknown destination called “normal.”

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